Da Mist~

A jam-packed Saturday for me yesterday! Went to my uncle's place to help him upload his webby to his page and had a free lunch treat at J8's Din Tai Fung~ Thanks!

Went back to office to do some testing for some app server upgrade which din go too well, collected my Levis from Orchard, bus down to Sunshine Plaza to stock up on Gundam modelling tools (I'm finally going to start on them!), then to Sim Lim to get a clear case for my PSP then off to dinner with Ivan at Bugis Junction. Ended up buying a pair of clip ear phones from Sony cos the in-ear phones din work well for me and reminded me pretty much for ear plugs for live firing ranges back in the army. Eeek...

Then off to his place to visit the dogs, who I missed v much~ All 7 of them. =) Then got a call from Law about catching The Mist back at Yishun GV at 1210!

The Mist's not bad, although I did not read the book. But I realised that I'm into sad movies which usually doesn't have happy endings... once again like cloverfield, it shows what men (and women) can turn into when they are overwhelmed by fear like what the movie's slogan said "Fear changes everything". If the haze were to come to Singapore, no points for guessing what I'll do. ;)

In the end, the show ended like 2.30 and I finally got to bed at about 3... zzzz to think i planned to have a good night's sleep this weekend...

Something must be wrong with me...

While walking back from the train station back home, out of sudden, tears started streaming down my face! I was taken aback and shocked!

After quickly drying my face with tissue and checking whether my eyes looked weird after crying, I quickened my pace and walked home briskly....

Tear gland problem? Something got into my eye? Or was I hit by a wave of sorrow suddenly? All I know is that there must be something wrong with me...

On another note, I found myself at a crossroad recently. Should I continue to go to YCK or finally leave?

It's been a while since I turned up at YCK and after joining them for the past few sessions, i realised things have changed quite a bit. I missed the kids and was very touched when the kids remembered me. That's one of the happy moments I've tucked away in the corner of my mind. But i felt somehow distant and not so welcome by some of the other volunteers. Maybe after I've been away for so long, I've been forgotten? Or been perceived as a "leaver"?

Leaving is painful but if it is necessary, then so be it.... Perhaps it is really time for me to put the past behind and move on...

Enlightened!

It's been a great weekend for me so far! Managed to clean up the mess in my room in time for CNY thanks to my mom. ;) and met YCK ppl for dinner at ol' AMK S11 and KTV later at Chinatown. After that went to catch the much-anticipated Cloverfield with who else but Law and GY!

Show's great, i love such shows where they dun reveal too much about the story
and let you watch it for yourself.

***WARNING Minor spoiler below***
***Highlight the text below to see the words if you want***

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I like the part when the 2 friends lament about what they said and should have said to their loved ones before they died. Made me treasure my friends and family around even more. Also the film was made in a good way that it was all from a video camera. The tape in it was supposedly recorded over a previous video made by the lead guy, when he was on a sweet date with his girl. :) But the ending was a bit... anti climax, but expected from J.J Abrams of course...
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Now talking about being enlightened... Invited by my colleague, LT to her church service at Suntec City. was apprenhensive about attending a church cos of previous bad experiences but she assured me that nothing of that sort would happen. So there I was at 11am this morning and attended my first chruch service of 2008. All went well, there was the singing of hymns (with a twist, new age + rock), holy communion (i got cracker and ribena) and bible lessons as well. The service did me some good as I could relate part of it to my own situation actually. Felt slightly better and motivated after that.

Had lunch with LT, her hubby and her hubby's brother as well at Crystal Jade and got a free treat from her brother-in-law. Thanks! After that, I took a slow walk to Sim Lim Square from Suntec (contrary to popular belief, it's not that far as you might think, about 20 mins walk?)

Bought 2 X 4GB mem sticks for Simon and was contemplating a PSP clear cover for myself but not sure what to get... Going to consult Law for that..

Later met the guys for dinner and LAN (Battlefield 2 rox!) and bought Unicorn Gundam from James as well. =) My first MG Gundam!

Happy weekend for me so far. How about yours?

=)

Boring sunday..

Slept at 4am this morning and woke up at 10+! I just couldn't stay in bed any longer after I've woken up...

Planned to do some work from home today and ended up wathcing Great Teacher Onizuka and Gundam 00 on Crunchyroll. Finally got my butt down to start on the 2 reports I'm supposed to do by Monday. Shall touch up a bit tomorrow in the morning....

After that I continued my game in Hellgate London and my Marksman's pretty fun to play considering the different type of weapons she can use (pistols, rifles, sniper rifle) Guardian was just simply boring (sword and shield)...

Took a quick nap again at 4.30 till 7 to recharge myself and woke up just in time for dinner with my sis and my brother in law. On that, my sister and I had a short talk today. I confided in her something and it's been a while since I've done anything like that. Usually I'm afraid she'll laugh at me or laugh it off but it was nice that she gave me some advice and consolation. Am v grateful for that! Thanks Nez!

Off to sleep now. Hopefully. After 1-2 episodes of GTO. It's going to be a long week and nothing to look forward to at all. =(

=) =(

Went down to YCK for the 2nd time this year... Ended up having mixed emotions when i was over there as well. I must be thinking too much according to some of my friends...

I was happy to see the kids. Really happy. They remind me of the time when one can truly smile with no worries on their mind. And I find myself actually smiling in return. My own true smile in a while. However, there were some things today that triggered unhappy thoughts as well. Shall not give more details lest ppl start guessing and misunderstanding... By the end of the session, I was feeling mentally exhausted and didn't have the energy to chat with other volunteers.

Had a quick dinner with some of the volunteers and quickly headed off to meet Law and GY for pool. Sadly, I didn't play very well and lost quite a number of games.. We caught Vexille at the Cathay and it's definitely one of my favourite movies of the year so far!

Decent storyline (better than AVP2), the 3D animation's superb but could use some touch up here and there and the music was great too! Catch it soon at the Cathay (only showing there if I'm not wrong) before it's too late!

Happy and Sad Jaron

On a short note, a very Big THANKS! to Agnes for sticking beside me when I was down, enduring the whole load of crap from me, giving me countless advice, consoling me, cheering me up, listening to my woes, watching me cry. I'll take care of myself and hope to be a stronger person soon, k?

Need to be stronger...

A friend of mine told me a couple of days ago that I need to be more assertive, more confident and be more reliable / dependable. On that, I realise that people around me who are happily married or attached are of that calibre. My brother-in-law's one of them, my 大哥's also one of them as well!

Sad to say, I'm someone who's the opposite! Flighty, irrational, emotional, totally undependable. To change all that will be tough, but I gotta try no matter what. I somehow suspect though, even if I were to change myself, everything else would not have changed at all.

I find myself shying away from happy stuff and stories and feeling more and more attracted to sorrow and loneliness. You feel peace with yourself. You don't have to put on a face for people to see. I've been on 2 trips alone and it was fantastic. Planning my next solo trip to Vietnam or maybe India. Friends out there, do not worry I am not suffering from depression! I used to fear being alone and all, and try to surround myself with friends. Often making a fool of myself and humbling myself to no end, just to win their hearts. Hence the joker was born.

People usually say I'm warm and approachable and stuff like that. But that's not entirely true. My smile's usually a facade. Not to deceive people, but nobody likes a pouting sad face. it ruins the whole atmosphere. So I have to force myself to smile. When I come to the office, when i meet friends, when i return home from work. it's tiring to force myself to smile when there's nothing to smile about actually. I'm a optimist-turned-pessimist, you see. There are some rare times when I actually smile for real. Those rare moments are locked away in my brain somewhere to prevent me from going insane the next moment.

Needed some form of therapy today so I splurged a hundred odd bucks on 2 Final Fantasy VII playarts figurines of Cloud and Aeris. Too abd Tifa is sold out right now but i'll be waiting for the next batch to come in hopefully... If time permits, I'll get some snaps and post them here.

That's enough rambling for today.

P.S it appears that my previous rambling caused some worry, but rest assured, I'm still in 1 piece and to the one who gave me your advice above, i'm not angry with ya. I'm just angry with myself....

1st week of 2008

And it's been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. 358 days to go... How to survive?

Alien Vs Predator vs Legend

2 movies in 1 week is my usual fare these days. It starts with one of us (Law, GY or me) suggesting and the rest to follow along~

I am Legend was much awaited by Law ever he saw the trailer in the cinema while catching another show. He almost tried to persuade us to watch it in Taiwan when it opened but it costs about SGD$17 to watch it there! So you think $9.50 on weekends is expensive huh?

Finally caught it on 2nd of Jan with the guys and it was pretty ok. For some you might be able to identify with Lieutenant Colonel Robert Neville (played by Will Smith) when he's pretty much the last human on Earth, after the world's population was wiped out and transformed to "vampires" (Darkseekers, nocturnal hunters, whatever the show calls it, they're still vampires ^^") Sometimes when you're alone for a looooong time, all you want to hear is another human's voice. Liked the part when he had some mannequins arranged in the DVD shop to enact a day-to-day trip to the DVD shop and it was amusing to see him trying to hit on one of them~

Read in the papers that Will holed himself up in a NY apartment for 4 weeks to get the experience of being lonely.. I've only achieved 1 week liddat so far overseas.

Overall, the show's not bad but the ending is the anti-climax, which made me go "HUH????"

On the other hand, AVP2 (it's called AVP Requiem or R in the states) is a letdown, totally B-Grade trash and not worth the 9.50 i paid yesterday. Bleah~

Too many characters involved and most of them end up dead. Fight between Alien and Predator not v exciting and clear. Bah~

That's all for now. Awaiting Cloverfield! Trailer got me hooked~

Finally my Taiwan pics...

Hi guys, here's the link to my Taiwan photos! Enjoy~

People I need to thank for making this trip enjoyable for the 3 of us: (in no particular order)

• The staff at Taipei Train Station for helping us get tickets for the high speed rail.
• The staff at New Zuoying station for helping us to get to Kaohsiung station
• The kid at 7 eleven shop at Kaohsiung station for showing us the way to our hotel.
• The girl at the visitor's information center at Kaohsiung Station who we bothered on both days asking where we could visit in Kaohsiung and Kenting.
• The nice bus driver giving us directions in Kenting and recommending a nice hot spring to us when we got lost in Kenting.
• Tim and Chi, owners of Amigos Hostel for a wonderful time at Hualien
• People we met while at Amigos Hostel, Evan and Nicolai (Dude!) from America, Mai and Maki from Japan, Xiao Ting from China, Geoffrey from Japan, Alvin and his friend from HK, SY from Malaysia. You guys rock!
• 张纷华小姐，our cab driver who brought us along Hualien.
• Raul, owner of Taiwanmex hostel in Taipei, who lent us coats when the weather became super cold and for driving us to the airport.
• Hui Ting, fellow Singaporean we met at Taiwanmex, who I bought my JR Rail Pass from in Sept last year! Small world!
• Michael from Australia and Rick from America.
• Gillian and Lillian from Malaysia.
• The kind train conductor who helped us get to SongShan station when we boarded the wrong train.
• And to other people that I may have left out!

=)


by janzer81

*SNIFF*

I din really have a good start to 2008 so far. I was down with diarrhoea and fever yesterday and last night.. I was overwhelmed with sorrow with too much thinking, that i cried myself to sleep last night.. It's been a while since i last wept. Last time being the death of a good friend...

Kinda forgot how it feels like to cry... You might be asking me why do I feel sad for me to cry about? My answer: Everything.

Looking back at 2007, it wasn't really a good year for me... I wasn't converted to a permanent staff but got a little pay raise to keep me from jumping ship. I left YCK around CNY despite having helped there for a little over 5 years.. Apparently, I didn't sit well with some which caused me to leave before things became worse. I'm still single after 26 years of coming which worries me that I might end up like my uncles who are living alone. My uncle recently had a close brush with death which made me realise the fragility of life... I'm still unable to see any good in myself after all this while. I'm kinda like the average guy or quote from some "below-average" guy... Short, slightly overweight, skin problem, no driving licence, no car, no $$$. I'm glad that some of my friends out there continue to encourage me to keep my sanity in check. To Valerie, Lawrence, Ash, Agnes & Elaine, a big Thank You for making me feel good about myself from time to time.

However, the no. of ppl who seek to belittle me and bring me down out there are so many and I'm almost losing it...

I ever thought of running away from Singapore and start life anew somewhere. Somewhere where I won't be judged by others for who I truly am. But I just can't leave my family and a few of those I can truly call friends behind. It takes a lot of courage to do so and I'm afraid I can't do that.

I have been known to be too nice to others such that many people take me for granted and seek to exploit me which saddens me more that such people can stoop so low for personal benefit.

Stuff to do in 2008:

a) Get a driving licence
b) Slim down, (can't do much abt height anyway)

Not gotta let ppl look down upon me anymore...

Enough of my tirade, back to sleep now.